Dee Museum of The Unessentials

Sebuah Kepedulian Mulia

2009-03-17T03:07:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #34
Object: Lembar Peringatan
Location: Unknown

Manajemen kami sangat peduli atas keselamatan Anda.
Masalahnya, kami kurang yakin siapa di sini yang sebenarnya belum mengerti bahwa meloncat dari balkon itu sama dengan cari mati: Anda atau... kami?

* Courtesy from Sashi.

Mengungkaf Paktor Misterieus di Kota Bandung

2009-02-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #33
Object: Plang/Spanduk Toko
Location: Jalan Dip(f)atiukur, Bandung

Di satu siang di Jalan Dipatiukur, satu toko kecil tengah berusaha untuk menuliskan jasa-jasanya dengan tepat dan akurat...

Yah. Meleset beberapa huruf. Tapi tidak apa-apa, berhubung plangnya bolak-balik, ia masih memiliki kesempatan kedua.

Dan... yah... tetap sebuah usaha yang patut kita hargai. Tidak banyak servis elektronik pinggir jalan yang bisa mereparasi killer ataupun panser.

Di ujung jalan, beberapa meter dari simpang Dago, sebuah kejutan sudah menanti:

Saat keluar dari Jalan Difatiukur, kami sudah tak bisa membedakan mana kaum pakir dan mana tukang farkir, sungguh-sungguh satu paktor yang misterieus. Memasuki Jalan Taman Sari, saat singgah di Kebun Binatang Bandung, satu misteri lagi menanti kami...

Dan oleh karena itulah poto-poto ini fatut di-aflod dan diingpormasikan kefada teman-teman semua...

The Why-Bother Smoking Room

2009-02-12T04:48:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #32
Object: (what they intended to be as) Smoking Room
Location: Polonia Airport, Medan

Entering an airport with "no smoking" signs in every corner,
still you smell a gush of cigarette air in every turn .
What's the logic?

There it is.
Right in the middle of the airport's hall...
They have what they call a smoking "room".
They only forgot to put one thing:
A ceiling.
Like having a "pee section" in a swimming pool,
it's a total why-bother.

Eye Tricksters

2009-02-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #31
Object: Campaign Banners
Location: (most probably) Jakarta & Jabar & Jatim & Gorontalo

... What the—?

Yes, of course. And I am the 57th descendant of Lucian,
the first Lycan, werewolf that can take human form. So?

... Uh-oh.

Wh—whaaat? WHAT?! Oh... no... please... NO!

... There's MORE??

Are my eyes playing trick on me or all these banners are for real?
Help! Wake me up from this nightmare, somebody... help!

... DZIG!!!

Ouch.
Hold your punches, Mister.
I got it now. This is not a dream [sigh].

* Picture Source: Unknown. Courtesy from Kikis.

Beyond Your Wildest Imagination

2008-07-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #30
Object: Poster
Location: Setiabudi, Bandung.

One hundred bucks,
and you will experience the unimaginable.
Triangle? Rectangle? Dodecahedron?
Wavy? Curly? Pencil-like?
Just go crazy.
Your breast will be having the time of its life.
Complete freedooom!

From Selling HP to Massage Parlor

2008-07-21T14:56:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #29
Object: Business Sign
Location: Jakarta

Yes, it's my insatiable business drive that
just won't stop me from expanding...
singing is not enough, writing is not enough,
selling HP and vouchers are not enough...
I want to squeeze and poke some flesh!
HII-YAAA!

* Courtesy from Hagi.

Etymology 101

2008-07-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #28
Object: Advertisement
Location: Watson's, Supermal Karawaci

Thus, one may ask: why "Funk"?
Ah. It's Fun + Punk = Funk.
Suddenly, etymology is as easy as one, two, three.

No Show For Today, Folks!

2008-03-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #27
Object: Door Sign
Location: Bandara Ngurah Rai, Denpasar.

Okay. We didn't expect an 'operet' will be
performed at the airport.
But if the office is closed, for whatever reason -
from operational reason to
watching an 'operet' show somewhere,
surely we didn't expect a 'no opereted' sign either.

Hot Is The Key!

2008-03-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #26
Object: Buku Menu
Location: Jl. Pasir Kaliki, Bandung

In the name of efficiency,
our restaurant has a consensus like this:
if it's "hotplate kangkung" then it means hotplate kangkung.
But if it's just "hotplate", then it means,
well, the food contains lots of chillies,
regardless the plate is cool or hot. Doesn't matter.
Your tongue got burned, either way.
That is our mission.

* Courtesy from Arina "Dede".

The Warmers Welcome

2008-03-09T00:56:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #25
Object: Standing Banner
Location: Darmawangsa Square, Jkt

Today, I learn something very profound,
thanks to Ganaan Tour.
I learn that, when we want to say welcome,
sometimes it's not enough just to say 'welcome'.
For a warmer welcome, we need to say 'welcomer'.
But sometimes, it's also not enough just to say 'welcomer'.
To amplify it even more, we can also say...
Welcomers!

Nothing can be warmers than that. Truly.
No.
Truliers.

The Demo

2008-03-09T00:44:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #24
Object: Spanduk Demonstrasi
Location: Unknown

I wonder how the other party would respond to that.
Could it be:
Demo lagi, demo lagi. Kapan kerjanya?
Demo more, demo more. Work when?

* Picture source: Unknown. Courtesy from Riko.

From Writing to Selling HP

2008-03-09T00:39:00.001-08:00

Exhibit #23
Object: Plang Kios Pulsa/HP
Location: Jl Dipatiukur, Bandung.

Now, this one I haven't really thought about.
But it could be fun too, for a change.
Knowing that my other branch is already opening
somewhere in Purwakarta.
It feels like a family business already :)

From Singing to Selling HP

2008-03-09T00:27:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #22
Object: Plang Kios Pulsa/HP
Location: Purwakarta

We've joked about this many times before.
We've even imagined to open a cellphone store just for fun.
All in all, just to have a taste of the idea, in reality.

Then, in one unexpected day, the universe responded.

One genius in Purwakarta have thought about it.

There it goes... my fantasy becomes a reality.

Neo RSD

2008-03-09T00:15:00.000-08:00

Exhibit #21
Object: Song Request Card
Location: Majalengka, Rida Sita Dewi Reunion Tour.

We thought we had it all.
Fame, fortune, and four albums.
A reunion tour, twelve concerts, crowd of thousands.

We thought they have said it all.
The loud MCs, screaming out our names.
The hundreds of banners, displaying our names.

We thought we had it all.
Until this one popped out...

The Rushy Goodbye Note

2007-11-18T20:34:00.001-08:00

Exhibit #20
Object: Banner
Location: Melawai area, Jakarta

They need to say it fast.
They have to write everything in such a short time,
and on such a big banner.
They didn't have the time to re-read what they wrote.
It was a rushy, dramatic, goodbye.
Please understand.
So, once again...
I tank you for attention and kindly.

The "Arousing" Resto

2007-10-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #19
Object: Turkish Restaurant
Location: Unknown

I believe that restaurant will never, ever,
open a branch in Indonesia.

* Courtesy from Reza's friend.

JasJus KuGila

2007-10-16T08:40:00.001-07:00

Exhibit #18
Object: Drink List
Location: EMP Cafe, Bandung

Juice Gairah Lelaki:
1 btr telur ayam kampung, 1 sachet Kuku Bima,
bubuk torpedo kambing secukupnya,
1 cover depan Tabloid Lipstick dicacah hingga halus.
Blender semua bahan.
Tambahkan gula dan es batu sesuai selera.

Juice Rokok:
1/2 pak rokok merk apa saja,
2 sdm absurditas, 2 sdm kegilaan.
Blender semua bahan.
Tambahkan akal sehat--jika masih ada.

The Word That Will Get You Into Trouble

2007-10-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #17
Object: Sign Board
Location: Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Manila

"Oh, God, she's such a BOMB!"
-- arrested.

"Dude, you dress like a BUM."
-- arrested.

"That girl over there has such a nice BUM..."
-- arrested.

"Shake your bon-BOM, shake your bon-BOM..."
-- arrested.

The Executive Way

2007-10-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #16
Object: Musholla
Location: Senayan City, Jakarta

Dear God,

I am so blessed that I can talk to you
in this executive musholla,
thanks to my platinum member card
and my preferred circle account.
I am also praying for my other friends
in the economy and business musholla
so they can also have their prayers answered
despite the heat and the frequent stops they had to endure.

Misteri Buah Apel

2007-08-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #15
Object: 1 kg of nonexistent apples
Location: Toko Guardian, Bandung

Dan saya bertanya:
“Jadi, selama ini ternyata jualan apel juga, ya?”
Si Mbak menjawab: “Nggak.”
Dan saya bertanya lagi:
“Tapi stok apelnya memang ada?”
Si Mbak menjawab lagi: “Nggak.”
Dan saya bertanya, lagi dan lagi:
“Kalau gitu kenapa harus apel??”
And there was an infinite silence.

What Humanity Needs

2007-08-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #14
Object: Billboard
Location: Hong Kong

Strap it up, ladies!
We can now be in total peace
just by wearing our usual thing.
Gentlemen, if you wish to join us,
rest assured your gender confusion
will also be swept away by this stress-free bra…

* Courtesy from Reza

Bum Dim Sum

2007-08-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #13
Object: Dim Sum Stall
Location: Food Court, Jkt

One can loose sight easily on that dot and, boy,
better be careful…
you don’t want people to think you’re selling NC-17 food.
It’s a huge shift from dim sum to “dim sum”,
I tell ya.

* Courtesy from Yasha

"Dear, I Don't Get You" Cafe

2007-08-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #12
Object: Cafe
Location: Hong Kong

Let me repeat what the banner says:
"When she looking you eye. Don't lie please."
Now, how can I possibly lie if I just don't get it?

* Courtesy from Reza

The Zen Drink

2007-08-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #11
Object: Warung Es Oyen
Location: Jl Lombok, Bandung

I really like to know
what’s finally served on my table when I order:
“Es Jeruk Panas”

Do not underestimate this Oyen dude.

I bet my ass he’s a Zen master in disguise.
Only those who transcend duality can create such drink.

* Courtesy from Riko.

The Troopers Are Here!

2007-06-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #10
Object: Etalase Toko
Location: Kelapa Gading, Jakarta

Is it what I think it is? Am I hallucinating?
Are they really here?

YES! It's the Storm Trooper!
They came to save Kelapa Gading from the great flood!
No... no... wait... they're the bad guy, aren't they?
Killing the good Jedis and all?
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Room in Labor

2007-06-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #9
Object: Door Sign
Location: Topas Hotel, Bandung

Mari kita berdoa
semoga ruangan tersebut melahirkan dengan selamat.
Amin.

Maling Teriak Maling

2007-06-21T02:21:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #8
Object: CD Cover
Location: Unknown

Bukan. Ini bukan masalah tata bahasa, tapi etika.
Tulisan di atas tercetak pada sampul CD bajakan.
Seperti para bajak laut Karibia,
ternyata para bajak CD juga punya kode etik:
Membajak CD bajakan adalah tindakan kriminal,
seperti mencuri barang curian juga tetap mencuri.
Go figure.

* Courtesy from Jenny Jusuf

Spiritual Salon

2007-05-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #7
Object: Beauty Salon
Location: Jl Cikutra Barat, Bandung

How far can we actually stretch the word "spiritual"?

This banner somehow induced me
to walk to the receptionist and say:
“Hi. I’d like to make an appointment for
transcendental make-up and enlightening hairdo, please.”

The Soap Opera

2007-05-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #6
Object: Spanduk
Location: Bandung

This is not so much because of the humor.
It's a mix of satire, amazement, disbelief, and deep concern.
Enam puluh tahun lebih bangsa ini merdeka,
dan masih dibutuhkan sebuah kampanye nasional
hanya untuk menyadarkan rakyatnya agar
mencuci tangan pakai sabun.
So, anti korupsi, penebangan ilegal, penghijauan kota,
semoga kalian tidak membusuk dalam antrean...
right now, we're still educating our people
on how to make use of that soap bar.

Celebrating Ing-Form

2007-05-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #5
Object: Spa Sign
Location: Bali

A friend of my have sending this picture from Bali.
I hoping you all can enjoying it too,
and may God having mercy on us
and on our English educating.

* Courtesy from Reza. 'Hope you have an entertain holiday! :)

The Challenger

2007-05-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #4
Object: A guy who must be desperately sleepy
Location: Bukit Ligar, Bandung

This guy defies three general assumptions and proves that:
You can actually sleep on your motor bebek.
You can actually do pilates on your motor bebek.
You can do pilates and stay asleep.

Love Potion

2007-05-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #3
Object: Jongko Bensin
Location: Yogyakarta

If such gasoline exists, don't waste it on your vehicles.
Drink up.

* Thanks to Sandi from Yogya for kindly taking the pic,
and also to Dede for giving out such a valuable info for this museum.

Political Gourmet

2007-05-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #2
Object: Restaurant
Location: Jalan Setiabudi, Bandung

To create a solid existensial basis for your resto,
you can never go wrong with Subang fishes.
It is the most politically correct breed of all.

Convusion

2007-05-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

Exhibit #1
Object: Bando
Location: M&M Sabang, Bandung

Apakah ini sama dengan ‘ep’ pada Panta?
Ataukah ‘pe’ pada pitamin?
Yang jelas tidak mungkin ‘ef’ seperti Fangandaran,
apalagi ‘ve’ pada vinguin.