Sebuah Kepedulian Mulia

Exhibit #34
Object: Lembar Peringatan
Location: Unknown

Manajemen kami sangat peduli atas keselamatan Anda.
Masalahnya, kami kurang yakin siapa di sini yang sebenarnya belum mengerti bahwa meloncat dari balkon itu sama dengan cari mati: Anda atau... kami?



* Courtesy from Sashi.

Mengungkaf Paktor Misterieus di Kota Bandung

Exhibit #33
Object: Plang/Spanduk Toko
Location: Jalan Dip(f)atiukur, Bandung

Di satu siang di Jalan Dipatiukur, satu toko kecil tengah berusaha untuk menuliskan jasa-jasanya dengan tepat dan akurat...



Yah. Meleset beberapa huruf. Tapi tidak apa-apa, berhubung plangnya bolak-balik, ia masih memiliki kesempatan kedua.



Dan... yah... tetap sebuah usaha yang patut kita hargai. Tidak banyak servis elektronik pinggir jalan yang bisa mereparasi killer ataupun panser.

Di ujung jalan, beberapa meter dari simpang Dago, sebuah kejutan sudah menanti:



Saat keluar dari Jalan Difatiukur, kami sudah tak bisa membedakan mana kaum pakir dan mana tukang farkir, sungguh-sungguh satu paktor yang misterieus. Memasuki Jalan Taman Sari, saat singgah di Kebun Binatang Bandung, satu misteri lagi menanti kami...



Dan oleh karena itulah poto-poto ini fatut di-aflod dan diingpormasikan kefada teman-teman semua...

The Why-Bother Smoking Room

Exhibit #32
Object: (what they intended to be as) Smoking Room
Location: Polonia Airport, Medan

Entering an airport with "no smoking" signs in every corner,
still you smell a gush of cigarette air in every turn .
What's the logic?


There it is.
Right in the middle of the airport's hall...
They have what they call a smoking "room".
They only forgot to put one thing:
A ceiling.
Like having a "pee section" in a swimming pool,
it's a total why-bother.

Eye Tricksters

Exhibit #31
Object: Campaign Banners
Location: (most probably) Jakarta & Jabar & Jatim & Gorontalo

... What the—?

Yes, of course. And I am the 57th descendant of Lucian,
the first Lycan, werewolf that can take human form. So?

... Uh-oh.

Wh—whaaat? WHAT?! Oh... no... please... NO!

... There's MORE??

Are my eyes playing trick on me or all these banners are for real?
Help! Wake me up from this nightmare, somebody... help!

... DZIG!!!

Ouch.
Hold your punches, Mister.
I got it now. This is not a dream [sigh].

* Picture Source: Unknown. Courtesy from Kikis.

Beyond Your Wildest Imagination

Exhibit #30
Object: Poster
Location: Setiabudi, Bandung.

One hundred bucks,
and you will experience the unimaginable.
Triangle? Rectangle? Dodecahedron?
Wavy? Curly? Pencil-like?
Just go crazy.
Your breast will be having the time of its life.
Complete freedooom!

From Selling HP to Massage Parlor

Exhibit #29
Object: Business Sign
Location: Jakarta

Yes, it's my insatiable business drive that
just won't stop me from expanding...
singing is not enough, writing is not enough,
selling HP and vouchers are not enough...
I want to squeeze and poke some flesh!
HII-YAAA!

* Courtesy from Hagi.

Etymology 101

Exhibit #28
Object: Advertisement
Location: Watson's, Supermal Karawaci

Thus, one may ask: why "Funk"?
Ah. It's Fun + Punk = Funk.
Suddenly, etymology is as easy as one, two, three.

No Show For Today, Folks!

Exhibit #27
Object: Door Sign
Location: Bandara Ngurah Rai, Denpasar.

Okay. We didn't expect an 'operet' will be
performed at the airport.
But if the office is closed, for whatever reason -
from operational reason to
watching an 'operet' show somewhere,
surely we didn't expect a 'no opereted' sign either.

Hot Is The Key!

Exhibit #26
Object: Buku Menu
Location: Jl. Pasir Kaliki, Bandung

In the name of efficiency,
our restaurant has a consensus like this:
if it's "hotplate kangkung" then it means hotplate kangkung.
But if it's just "hotplate", then it means,
well, the food contains lots of chillies,
regardless the plate is cool or hot. Doesn't matter.
Your tongue got burned, either way.
That is our mission.

* Courtesy from Arina "Dede".

The Warmers Welcome

Exhibit #25
Object: Standing Banner
Location: Darmawangsa Square, Jkt

Today, I learn something very profound,
thanks to Ganaan Tour.
I learn that, when we want to say welcome,
sometimes it's not enough just to say 'welcome'.
For a warmer welcome, we need to say 'welcomer'.
But sometimes, it's also not enough just to say 'welcomer'.
To amplify it even more, we can also say...
Welcomers!

Nothing can be warmers than that. Truly.
No.
Truliers.

The Demo

Exhibit #24
Object: Spanduk Demonstrasi
Location: Unknown

I wonder how the other party would respond to that.
Could it be:
Demo lagi, demo lagi. Kapan kerjanya?
Demo more, demo more. Work when?

* Picture source: Unknown. Courtesy from Riko.

From Writing to Selling HP

Exhibit #23
Object: Plang Kios Pulsa/HP
Location: Jl Dipatiukur, Bandung.

Now, this one I haven't really thought about.
But it could be fun too, for a change.
Knowing that my other branch is already opening
somewhere in Purwakarta.
It feels like a family business already :)

From Singing to Selling HP

Exhibit #22
Object: Plang Kios Pulsa/HP
Location: Purwakarta

We've joked about this many times before.
We've even imagined to open a cellphone store just for fun.
All in all, just to have a taste of the idea, in reality.

Then, in one unexpected day, the universe responded.

One genius in Purwakarta have thought about it.

There it goes... my fantasy becomes a reality.

Neo RSD

Exhibit #21
Object: Song Request Card
Location: Majalengka, Rida Sita Dewi Reunion Tour.

We thought we had it all.
Fame, fortune, and four albums.
A reunion tour, twelve concerts, crowd of thousands.

We thought they have said it all.
The loud MCs, screaming out our names.
The hundreds of banners, displaying our names.

We thought we had it all.
Until this one popped out...

The Rushy Goodbye Note

Exhibit #20
Object: Banner
Location: Melawai area, Jakarta

They need to say it fast.
They have to write everything in such a short time,
and on such a big banner.
They didn't have the time to re-read what they wrote.
It was a rushy, dramatic, goodbye.
Please understand.
So, once again...
I tank you for attention and kindly.

The "Arousing" Resto

Exhibit #19
Object: Turkish Restaurant
Location: Unknown

I believe that restaurant will never, ever,
open a branch in Indonesia.

* Courtesy from Reza's friend.

JasJus KuGila

Exhibit #18
Object: Drink List
Location: EMP Cafe, Bandung

Juice Gairah Lelaki:
1 btr telur ayam kampung, 1 sachet Kuku Bima,
bubuk torpedo kambing secukupnya,
1 cover depan Tabloid Lipstick dicacah hingga halus.
Blender semua bahan.
Tambahkan gula dan es batu sesuai selera.

Juice Rokok:
1/2 pak rokok merk apa saja,
2 sdm absurditas, 2 sdm kegilaan.
Blender semua bahan.
Tambahkan akal sehat--jika masih ada.

The Word That Will Get You Into Trouble

Exhibit #17
Object: Sign Board
Location: Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Manila

"Oh, God, she's such a BOMB!"
-- arrested.

"Dude, you dress like a BUM."
-- arrested.

"That girl over there has such a nice BUM..."
-- arrested.

"Shake your bon-BOM, shake your bon-BOM..."
-- arrested.

The Executive Way

Exhibit #16
Object: Musholla
Location: Senayan City, Jakarta

Dear God,

I am so blessed that I can talk to you
in this executive musholla,
thanks to my platinum member card
and my preferred circle account.
I am also praying for my other friends
in the economy and business musholla
so they can also have their prayers answered
despite the heat and the frequent stops they had to endure.

Misteri Buah Apel

Exhibit #15
Object: 1 kg of nonexistent apples
Location: Toko Guardian, Bandung

Dan saya bertanya:
“Jadi, selama ini ternyata jualan apel juga, ya?”
Si Mbak menjawab: “Nggak.”
Dan saya bertanya lagi:
“Tapi stok apelnya memang ada?”
Si Mbak menjawab lagi: “Nggak.”
Dan saya bertanya, lagi dan lagi:
“Kalau gitu kenapa harus apel??”
And there was an infinite silence.