The Rushy Goodbye Note

Exhibit #20
Object: Banner
Location: Melawai area, Jakarta

They need to say it fast.
They have to write everything in such a short time,
and on such a big banner.
They didn't have the time to re-read what they wrote.
It was a rushy, dramatic, goodbye.
Please understand.
So, once again...
I tank you for attention and kindly.

The "Arousing" Resto

Exhibit #19
Object: Turkish Restaurant
Location: Unknown

I believe that restaurant will never, ever,
open a branch in Indonesia.

* Courtesy from Reza's friend.

JasJus KuGila

Exhibit #18
Object: Drink List
Location: EMP Cafe, Bandung

Juice Gairah Lelaki:
1 btr telur ayam kampung, 1 sachet Kuku Bima,
bubuk torpedo kambing secukupnya,
1 cover depan Tabloid Lipstick dicacah hingga halus.
Blender semua bahan.
Tambahkan gula dan es batu sesuai selera.

Juice Rokok:
1/2 pak rokok merk apa saja,
2 sdm absurditas, 2 sdm kegilaan.
Blender semua bahan.
Tambahkan akal sehat--jika masih ada.

The Word That Will Get You Into Trouble

Exhibit #17
Object: Sign Board
Location: Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Manila

"Oh, God, she's such a BOMB!"
-- arrested.

"Dude, you dress like a BUM."
-- arrested.

"That girl over there has such a nice BUM..."
-- arrested.

"Shake your bon-BOM, shake your bon-BOM..."
-- arrested.

The Executive Way

Exhibit #16
Object: Musholla
Location: Senayan City, Jakarta

Dear God,

I am so blessed that I can talk to you
in this executive musholla,
thanks to my platinum member card
and my preferred circle account.
I am also praying for my other friends
in the economy and business musholla
so they can also have their prayers answered
despite the heat and the frequent stops they had to endure.

Misteri Buah Apel

Exhibit #15
Object: 1 kg of nonexistent apples
Location: Toko Guardian, Bandung

Dan saya bertanya:
“Jadi, selama ini ternyata jualan apel juga, ya?”
Si Mbak menjawab: “Nggak.”
Dan saya bertanya lagi:
“Tapi stok apelnya memang ada?”
Si Mbak menjawab lagi: “Nggak.”
Dan saya bertanya, lagi dan lagi:
“Kalau gitu kenapa harus apel??”
And there was an infinite silence.

What Humanity Needs

Exhibit #14
Object: Billboard
Location: Hong Kong

Strap it up, ladies!
We can now be in total peace
just by wearing our usual thing.
Gentlemen, if you wish to join us,
rest assured your gender confusion
will also be swept away by this stress-free bra…

* Courtesy from Reza

Bum Dim Sum

Exhibit #13
Object: Dim Sum Stall
Location: Food Court, Jkt

One can loose sight easily on that dot and, boy,
better be careful…
you don’t want people to think you’re selling NC-17 food.
It’s a huge shift from dim sum to “dim sum”,
I tell ya.

* Courtesy from Yasha

"Dear, I Don't Get You" Cafe

Exhibit #12
Object: Cafe
Location: Hong Kong

Let me repeat what the banner says:
"When she looking you eye. Don't lie please."
Now, how can I possibly lie if I just don't get it?

* Courtesy from Reza

The Zen Drink

Exhibit #11
Object: Warung Es Oyen
Location: Jl Lombok, Bandung

I really like to know
what’s finally served on my table when I order:
“Es Jeruk Panas”

Do not underestimate this Oyen dude.

I bet my ass he’s a Zen master in disguise.
Only those who transcend duality can create such drink.

* Courtesy from Riko.

The Troopers Are Here!

Exhibit #10
Object: Etalase Toko
Location: Kelapa Gading, Jakarta

Is it what I think it is? Am I hallucinating?
Are they really here?

YES! It's the Storm Trooper!
They came to save Kelapa Gading from the great flood!
No... no... wait... they're the bad guy, aren't they?
Killing the good Jedis and all?
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Room in Labor

Exhibit #9
Object: Door Sign
Location: Topas Hotel, Bandung

Mari kita berdoa
semoga ruangan tersebut melahirkan dengan selamat.
Amin.

Maling Teriak Maling

Exhibit #8
Object: CD Cover
Location: Unknown

Bukan. Ini bukan masalah tata bahasa, tapi etika.
Tulisan di atas tercetak pada sampul CD bajakan.
Seperti para bajak laut Karibia,
ternyata para bajak CD juga punya kode etik:
Membajak CD bajakan adalah tindakan kriminal,
seperti mencuri barang curian juga tetap mencuri.
Go figure.

* Courtesy from Jenny Jusuf

Spiritual Salon

Exhibit #7
Object: Beauty Salon
Location: Jl Cikutra Barat, Bandung

How far can we actually stretch the word "spiritual"?

This banner somehow induced me
to walk to the receptionist and say:
“Hi. I’d like to make an appointment for
transcendental make-up and enlightening hairdo, please.”

The Soap Opera

Exhibit #6
Object: Spanduk
Location: Bandung

This is not so much because of the humor.
It's a mix of satire, amazement, disbelief, and deep concern.
Enam puluh tahun lebih bangsa ini merdeka,
dan masih dibutuhkan sebuah kampanye nasional
hanya untuk menyadarkan rakyatnya agar
mencuci tangan pakai sabun.
So, anti korupsi, penebangan ilegal, penghijauan kota,
semoga kalian tidak membusuk dalam antrean...
right now, we're still educating our people
on how to make use of that soap bar.

Celebrating Ing-Form

Exhibit #5
Object: Spa Sign
Location: Bali

A friend of my have sending this picture from Bali.
I hoping you all can enjoying it too,
and may God having mercy on us
and on our English educating.

* Courtesy from Reza. 'Hope you have an entertain holiday! :)

The Challenger

Exhibit #4
Object: A guy who must be desperately sleepy
Location: Bukit Ligar, Bandung

This guy defies three general assumptions and proves that:
You can actually sleep on your motor bebek.
You can actually do pilates on your motor bebek.
You can do pilates and stay asleep.

Love Potion

Exhibit #3
Object: Jongko Bensin
Location: Yogyakarta

If such gasoline exists, don't waste it on your vehicles.
Drink up.

* Thanks to Sandi from Yogya for kindly taking the pic,
and also to Dede for giving out such a valuable info for this museum.

Political Gourmet

Exhibit #2
Object: Restaurant
Location: Jalan Setiabudi, Bandung

To create a solid existensial basis for your resto,
you can never go wrong with Subang fishes.
It is the most politically correct breed of all.

Convusion

Exhibit #1
Object: Bando
Location: M&M Sabang, Bandung

Apakah ini sama dengan ‘ep’ pada Panta?
Ataukah ‘pe’ pada pitamin?
Yang jelas tidak mungkin ‘ef’ seperti Fangandaran,
apalagi ‘ve’ pada vinguin.